Trust The Process

Sex and cohabitation. A hot mess. One among the many controversial and contentious issues facing today’s society. Almost always ends in an ‘agree to disagree’ dispensation.

While we are all breathing, there will always exist the human tendency to share opinions (read judgement) concerning shacking. The pros and cons of this type of situation can be listed forever and a day. There go the staunch religious sycophants twitching already. Settle down.

First off methinks no external forces should have any say concerning whether or not you can cohabit with your partner. Neither be all up in the couple’s businesses, ready to pinpoint this and that. Unless it’s a menage a trois party and you are invited, of course. That is the only exemption from the rule. Because once they get back to sharing a bed and seeing each other’s ecstasy faces, all your quoted scriptures and pulled stunts don’t stand a chance. They still doing their thang. They happy.

Some of the young girls low-key not only just advocate for it. They go ahead and encourage it. How else will you get to really know your partner? There could be those seemingly microscopic things that are a No-Go irate zone, which you only discover upon cohabitation. And lets face it, the bills get much lighter. Cha-ching! So you say Fuck it, and move in. You figure out a refined method through both your brutish ways. And you love it. Your undomesticated domestication. Life is great. You get to come home to the occasional head. There is always a warm body hard by (pun intended). To Netflix and chill with. Someone you get to experience life with. You happy though

One decade later. You all are still shacking. No ring yet. A glorified girlfriend at this point (Sarcasm aside). Maybe upgraded to a baby mama. Are you slowly declining to cynicism? Thinking of appropriate analogies to help add meaning; the chicken and the egg or the cow and the milk. Still trying to figure out which comes first. You still happy though right?

Deceptively, there are no women who can self-actualize without that wedding band. Time has done nothing to soften society up on this stance. So what do we do? We create a check list of things to be done to be perceived whole. Get that job. Get a man. Get the man to marry you (apparently this is up to the woman as well). Consequently, plan the grandiose wedding. Give the man some babies. Build a house…blah blah. Then reality hits. Albeit too little too late. Did I really want these kids? The French have a phrase for this; Fait Accompli. There are way too many grown bratty children masquerading as adults. And I blame hands-off shitty parenting. Sorry not sorry. Too many entitled 30 year old men, still being referred to as baba, lacking any sense whatsoever of discipline and hard work.  Too many self-crowned slay queens in Insta bios launching careers posting disjointed stories while doing hosting gigs in questionable hang-out joints. Flat out escorts taking pride on lying on one’s back. So they can snap their custom Chanel bags in an exorbitant B & B.

A hot mess!

Stop it with these proclaimed check lists. Such hogwash! Your happiness is your responsibility. Take ownership.

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